I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
