mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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