i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
