if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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