It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
