Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
