I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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