What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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