are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
