Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
