Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
