worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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