my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
