do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
