I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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