You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
