I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
