Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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