I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
