I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
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