I am in a vortex of obligation.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
They have beer where we have blood.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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