pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
