ya dads aren't the best wingmen
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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