Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I could fuck to npr.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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