I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
