the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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