fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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