I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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