i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
