woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The air was thick with penises
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
