he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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