My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
