dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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