i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
