We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
