There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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