38 yer olds are good kisserssss
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
