i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
