Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
