shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
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He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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