so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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