btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
