im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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