Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
