I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
