woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
