Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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