how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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