I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
