Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
