I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
