OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
