It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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