I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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