Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
