haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
