We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
