so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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