I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize