I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
