Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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