I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
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