last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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