he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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