Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
