hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
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I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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