Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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