there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
