Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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