Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
