I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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