Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
