i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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