: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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