You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
