He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
