she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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