Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
