Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i dont even know how to be here
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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