I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
