i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
