My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
